Floating on wings of silken down
 she hovers like a butterfly
 above the vast expanse of the universe -
 watching,
 waiting,
 for the tear of a child,
 the heartache of a mother,
 the pain of regret,
 the agony of grief,
 the desperateness of a lonely heart,
 the voice crying out in the night for a friend...
 and she lites upon a windowpane, 
 and steps into reality
 to touch a broken heart,
 to comfort a burdened soul,
 to dry a tear,
 to offer what little help she can.
 And when it looks as if the day has brightened just a bit,
 she carries herself away on life's winds 
 to love yet another,
 and to continue her search for her own lost little Angel
 who came like a shadow in the night...
 fleeting and silent,
 but touching her sweet spirit for eternity.
 

Everyone    has    an    Angel

Hello to everyone. I am Angel. If you haven't guessed, I'm not a real Angel, but I do believe in them. I gave myself the handle of "Angel" for one special reason. I have a VERY special little Angel of my own in heaven. He is my precious little son named Douglas.

Douglas entered my life, ever so briefly. He was my first child, and my husband and I looked forward to him with great anticipation. We prepared for 9 months just like any other expectant parents. We had a nursery put together, baby clothes, a stroller, toys, furniture, everything that our little son could have possibly wanted.

One night I awoke from my sleep with a terrible pain that I believed to be a contraction, but was impossible to time for it never ended. I called my doctor who told us to go straight to the hospital. We rushed there and discovered, to our horror, that our little baby was in distress. I was rushed to the operating room for an emergancy c-section, where I nearly bled to death. My little son was delivered withing minutes after the operation began, along with his placenta which had seperated completely from te wall of the uterus. The doctors tried to revive him for nearly an hour, but after that amount of time he was determined to be brain dead and pronounced stillborn. I did not learn of his death until a few hours later when I awoke in the recovery room. And when I was told...I was in total shock. How could this child who was moving and active within me only the day before...now be dead. How is it that what was meant to be my hello to our little Douglas...became such a sudden goodbye?

I fought the pain for months...until I finally decided that I had to live with the pain, and deal with the pain...and then I would be able to live my life again. Something that on the day of his death I seriously thought I would never be able to do. I began attending support groups for bereaved parents that had also experienced the loss of an unborn child or newborn child. I began writing poetry, giving lectures, donating teddy bears to babies in Neonatal Intensive Care Units in hospitals. I donated new nursery furniture and a piano to my church in Douglas's memory, and I am also working on establishing a scholarship fund in Douglas's memory for medical students wishing to specialize in high-risk obstetrics. I also decided to continue building our family. We now have two lovely daughters: Jessica (2 years old), and Emily (8 months old), but our son Douglas is never forgotten and has his own special place in our hearts. He would turn 4 years old this July...which is hard for me to imagine, because the last time I saw his face, it was that of an innocent baby.

I try my best to be a little bit of an Angel to others because of the inspiration that my own little "Angel" has given to me. Douglas has taught me compassion, love, understanding, how to not take people for granted, and that God truly has a reason for everything. We may not always understand it...but there is one. Because of the loss of my prescious little son, I have grown closer to God and learned to trust in him more and lay all of my burdens at his feet.

I am dedicating this page to my sweet little baby boy: Douglas. I love you my son, and I thank you for all of the lessons that you have taught me. And I thank God for sending you to me...even for such a brief amount of time. You brought more joy to me in those few instants than most people can bring in a lifetime. Mommy loves you Douglas, and always will. And I'll see you in heaven someday soon. *kisses*

I collect Angels in Douglas's memory. Check my ANGEL COLLECTION soon to see some of my favorite Angel pictures.

I have started a list of links to other Angel sites on the web. It is rather incomplete at the moment, but will be updated as often as possible. Please check out ANGEL'S HEAVENLY LINKS

Thank you for stopping by. Douglas touched my life forever in just a short amount of time, and I hope that maybe, just maybe he has touched yours also. God bless you all.